Selfless, Cold and Composed

Theology Notes

2007-02-26T00:30:00.000-05:00

These are my notes I took in theology class the other day.

Life Ambitions

2006-06-23T17:30:00.000-05:00

This is a scholarship essay I wrote that I am kind of proud of. I like it anyway. There are probably some typos because this is the unproofread version.

The transitory period of a person’s life that comes at the end of one’s High School career places that person in a very precarious position. It is at this point that one is expected to decide what they want to achieve with their life and how they want to achieve it. This is one of the most difficult decisions that a person must make. In order to make the decision, one must ask himself what he wants out of his life. Money, power, and prestige are what run society today, and so these are the obvious choices that are set out for everyone. However, what everybody neglects is the most important aspect of life one can achieve: Happiness.

Every person has one thing that they are meant to do: their personal destiny. Paulo Coelho called it a “personal legend” in The Alchemist, but it doesn’t matter what the second word is. It is your calling; it is what makes you happy. For most people it is always right in front of their eyes, but they don’t know it. To see your “personal legend,” you need to listen to your soul. Instead, though, most people listen to everything but their soul. From the time we are little we are told that the only path to success is to study hard, graduate high school, and go to college. This is not true and it has had a detrimental effect on today’s society.

This leads to two paths one can take in life. The first is the one that society dictates is best for you and the second is the path that leads in the achievement of your personal legend. The first path is easy to follow as well as safe, but it leads to an unfulfilled life. If one chooses this path, they will have ignored their true calling in life and this will be a constant weight on their soul. If one chooses the second path, they will be forced to take many risks and they will go through much suffering, but in the end they will be able to say that they are doing with their life what they love. This is the only way to achieve true happiness.

You can’t expect to lead a happy life if you do not decide to follow your personal legend. Paulo Coelho said in The Alchemist, “Everyone seems to have a dear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” This accurate interpretation of people’s thoughts shows that one must ignore the opinions that other people have for their life. One must ignore the predestined path that society has deemed appropriate for you. However, this is not to say that one cannot follow the path society lays out and still chase one’s destiny. One must determine if this path is truly beneficial to their realization of their personal destiny.

Today too many people are going to college for the sake of going to college. Too many people expect their life to just fall into place as they follow the predetermined path through high school and college. Too many people fail to realize that in order for your life to fall into place, you must make the conscious decision to put it into place. To do this, to get your life together, you must realize and follow your personal legend.

This is all fine, except in my case. The problem I have with blazing my own path to achieve my personal destiny is that I have no idea what my true calling is. It seems to me in this day and age that there are too many distractions in order to listen to your soul and in order to realize what truly makes you happy. The thing for me to do at this point would be to follow the predetermined path society has set for me, but to never lose sight of my desire to find my personal legend. Hopefully, while I follow this path and go to college, the opportunity to pursue my personal legend will appear. I have to always be ready for this opportunity. When the opportunity comes, it will be sudden and unexpected, and I cannot be afraid to drop everything in order to go after it.

“Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back-she will hear her heart” In this statement, Coelho establishes the fact that in following your personal destiny there will be risks and there will be suffering. It takes an awful lot of courage in order to face these risks and to battle through the suffering, but if one can summon the courage to face these then it’s all worth the trouble. And so when the time comes, I can only hope that I will have the courage to follow through and chase my destiny.

I do not want to follow the beaten path with my life. I want to stand out and be happy with what I do. I want to know my personal legend and when the time comes I want to able to achieve it. I will follow the path that society has laid out for me, but I will never lose sight of my goal. I will figure out what my calling is because as Paulo Coelho said in the Alchemist, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” I believe that too many people lose focus of what is truly important in their lives: happiness and I refuse to forget this. So, if one asked me what my life ambitions are, I guess my answer would be to be happy.

The First Date Song

2006-05-06T10:56:00.000-05:00

I wrote a song:

I went out on a first date
the food, it was great.
I had some lobster and she
had those chicken nuggets on her plate.

Oh! The movie was so stellar.
It starred Sarah Michelle Gheller.
But, then on the walk home,
That's when I tell her:

This date it was awesome- It's true! I love you!
And I hope you love me- Please do!
Because I'm gonna rape you. - Don't sue! Rape you!

I'm gonna rape you! (Rape you, Rape you!)
I'm gonna rape you! (Rape you, Rape you!)
Rape you, Rape you! (Don't sue!)

I'm gonna rape you!

Blogs are Bad

2006-04-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

So I was looking in the phone book for the number of a friend and you will never guess the name that I saw in there:

Irwin McQueer

I am not even joking. That was the guys name. Can you imagine going through life with that name? Seriously, who names their son Irwin? He must get all sorts of prank calls and stuff:

"Hey... um... this is the Zoo calling. We have a crocadile on the loose and um... we were wondering if you could come catch it! You know, being the crocodile hunter and all."

And I bet when he was a little kid in school people probably always called him "Irloser." That would be horrible. I feel bad for him. If I were him I would change my name to something less vulnerable to jokes like Gaylord or Enrique.

Enrique McQueer! It just rolls of the tongue!

So, anyway, now that that's out of the way:

Here's a list of reasons why I hate blogs:

1.) Anyone can say anything they want.

Have you seen some of the blogs out there? There are pretty much two kinds: the insanely boring and the overly offending. Here's an example of the first kind:

"OKAY. I know its been like forever since my last update and you guyz must be getting mad at me saying like 'what has she been doing? She hasn't updated her blog in 2 days! I hope she isn't dead or something like that!!!1!!!1' but its okay because I didn't die because well if I did i wouldn't be writing this right? so anyways I was at my grandmas this past weekend and that is like why i didn't update okay. I had a good time at my grandmas because she has a cat and i like to play with it and stuff and she likes to feed me lots of food. So i ate food and played with my cat. Then I sat on the couch and watched a 6 hour marathon of leguna beach. IT WAS A-MAZING!! kristin and lauren gott in a fight and then steph broke up with josh but they got back together aftre the fireworks but the n josh cheated on her with kristin and they broke up again. so after laguna beech i went to play with my cat again but i couldn't find her and i looked and looked but couldnt find her anywhere so i took out my flashlight and went outside looking arounf dor her in the dark 4 like 4ever. and then i still couldn't find her so i went to bad all crying and stuff. then in the morning i got out of bed and took a shower and got dressed and ate breakfast and brushed my teeth and brushed my hair and put my socks on and put my shoos on and got an umbrella and opened the door and went and looked 4 my cat in the rain and i still couldn't found her and i went home and put my umbrella away and took my shooes of and changed my socks and dried off and changed clothes and did some laundry and then i found my cat! She was in my bed all along!! LOLZERS!!!11one!1!! and that was my awesome weekend at my grandmas!"

If I have to explain to you why that kind of blog is bad, then you probably write in one every single day and you should be impaled on a rusty spike. The second kind of blog is so offensive that I don't even dare put an example on here for the fear of angering my would-be-assassin. I can tell you the subjects of some of these blogs, though. For example, I have seen blogs with the audacity to make fun of our great president, George W. Bush, and the rest of our honorable government. I have also seen blogs advocating genocide, promoting heresy, and supporting the legalization of prostitution! The nerve of some of these people! How they sleep at night, I will never know!

2.) The good blogs provide too much competition for the mainstream entertainment industry.

Reason number two is a very important one. For years now Hollywood has been able to throw together a quick movie with no real plot and horrible acting and then make millions of dollars selling the movie to a nation full of sheep. They tell the sheep that a movie with 2 gay cowboys is a great movie, even if it has a shitty storyline, and the sheep believe them.

But, now, blogs are ruining that! Now, some regular old joe can go write an amazingly entertaining story and instantly release it to the masses... FOR FREE! How is Hollywood supposed to compete with that?? Even if they stopped making horrible movies and books, they still couldn't sell them for nothing! If you were a sheep, would you want to go read a hilarious story about a teacher of special ed children or go pay $10 to see two gay cowboys kiss each other for two hours? That's what I thought.

3.) They provide for a way to separate one's self from the troubles in their life.

People often write in blogs to get away from the world around them. I once knew someone who had a sick grandmother who was going to die. She wrote in her blog and it made her feel better because it let her think about something else besides the horrible pain her grandmother was suffering. Writing in her blog helped her cope. Then her grandmother died. And she wrote in her blog and got her mind away from it. She continued to use her blog as a way to help her through life for a long time. Everything seemed good for a while. She lived a happy life and didn't have any worries.

65 years later and she is in an insane asylum. She got arthritus and couldn't type anymore. She didn't know how to deal with her problems and made like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. So before you start writing in a blog or even start reading a blog, ask yourself this question:

Do I want to go on a killing spree when I am 80 years old and end up spending the rest of my life surrounded by soft white padding?

4.) They are a useful means of exchanging information.

Don't even get me started on information. The information explosion in this nation is what is sending us down the toilet. It impedes our success in the war on terror; sorry, I mean The Long War. Information is the wepeon of the enemy.

5.) Blogs give people a false sense of importance to the world.

When someone writes in a blog it makes them think that people care what they say. Nobody cares about what you think about President Bush. Nobody cares that you went to your grandma's house and nobody cares about your god-damned cat.

If all these people that run blogs think that people care about their opinions, they might begin to think that they matter. But, they don't matter. They are all a bunch of McQueers, if you ask me and they should probably go eat some raw cow genitals. The world doesn't need them and would be a lot better off without them.

So what should you do? Obviously, you can't keep reading these worthless wastes of space. I hereby call for a boycott of all blogs. Just stop. Tell all your friends to stop reading and posting in blogs. Let's make our voices heard and stop letting people let their worthless voices be heard on blogs. This could become a revolution-- a revolution to stop blogs. But we must be organized. We must have a center of operations. We must have a place to monitor our progress. So, check back here regularly to see announcements and news on our progress in the revolution.

Oh, Canada... Why doth thou sucketh so?

2006-03-04T19:29:00.000-05:00

What do you think of when you hear the name "Canada?" I will tell you what I think of when I hear "Canada:"

A freezing cesspool of nothingness.

Honestly. All Canada is is one giant uninhabited wasteland. Trust me; I know. I live about 15 minutes away from the border. I go up there every once in a while and it's all snow and polar bears as far as the eye can see. Nothing else. There is the occasional eskimo who lives in his igloo, but other than that there is no sign of human habitation anywhere. No roads. No buildings. No McDonalds. I don't think that there has ever been a country that has sucked as bad as Canada.

Do you know how I know Canada sucks? Because Britain just gave them their independance. There wasn't a fight or an argument or even a bloodless coup. Britain just gave them away because Canada had no use. The worst part is that Canada didn't become fully independant until 1982 and it took them over 120 years to get there. How sad is that? Canada is like the 35 year old man who still lives with his mother: "Mommy! Can you govern my people for me?? I want to sit on the couch and watch my soap operas!"

You know why Britain didn't want Canada? Because it is beyond cold there. If you think it gets cold where you live, then you are sorely mistaken. I live like 15 minutes from Canada and it gets pretty cold here, but once you cross the border, the temperature drops about 50 extra degrees. There is a simple reason for this phenomena: Canada thinks she is cool because she doesn't participate in the Global Warming trend. She's like, "Save the environment!" and, "Go Kyoto Protocol!" You know what Canada? You can't pull off that I-am-cool-because-I-don't-conform attitude. It just makes you look like a bunch of hippie freaks. You should probably go pump some carbon dioxide into the air and destroy some forests now if you want to salvage your image.

Also, did you ever notice that Canada and Communism both begin with the letter "C"? It's not any mere coincidence. What is this unified health care bull shit? That sounds pretty fishy to me. What's next? No currency? 5 year plans? I know that unified health care is a socialist aspect, but I still don't trust it because it goes against nature. Unified health care pretty much destroys the good old American concept of Social Darwinism that has worked magnificently for us. Except for you Indians and Blacks. And Women. And pretty much all non-white, non-males. So, yeah. Social Darwinism has worked wonders for the white American male. Oh wait, except for those of you in economically underprivileged areas, but I swear that's it. It's been a great 230 years for you rich, white, American males and I don't want those Communist Canadians to take that away!

Further more, Canada, the second largest nation in the world, is not pulling it's weight in the War on Terror. They only have like a thousand troops, maximum, fighting in this war. That's it! Canada owes us more than a thousand troops. We are like their big brother. We protect them from everyone. When a nation picks on Canada behind their back, we give that nation a metaphorical bitchslap. Canada should pass a law that requires everyone of it's citizens to serve 10 years in our military. Not only would that help us win the war on terror, but it would also make Canada a little less of nation full of pansies. Wait, no. On second thought, it would just help with the war effort.

There are really only two good things that have ever come from Canada. Ever. Those are hockey and music. Hockey doesn't count, though, because the Americans are better at it than the Canadians. Plus, I am pretty sure that Canada invented hockey by accident. I think some eskimo was using a stick to balance himself on an ice-patch and accidently hit a rock into his igloo. That's how hockey started. Music doesn't count either because since it's so cold up there, pretty much all there is to do is play music. In fact, there should be even more good music that comes from Canada since it is so cold. But once again Canada just can't keep up.

Lastly, I would like to point out that I am the only person ever to make fun of Canada without making an "Eh?" reference. Pretty cool, eh?

My First Hate Mail!!

2006-02-15T19:08:00.000-05:00

Okay. So, This was actually a comment on my last entry, but I have all the comments emailed to me. So, I am counting this as hate mail and it has made my week! This masterpiece was sent to me by Ssssteve, who actually has his own blog here. So without any further ado, here is the first (and hopefully not the last) piece of mail from a dense, hypocritical, mongoloid who has no idea what he is talking about. As Walter Sobchak would say, "You are out of your fucking element, Ssssteve."

"He doesn't need to inform you that he shot someone. Did they wait 24 hrs to get him medical attention? Nope. The only people that needed to be told were the authorities and this guys family. And last I checked you were neither. And neither was I. Vice president Cheney did nothing wrong and he is not screwing up this country! He is the vice president Get over it! And the part you wrote on Christianity was wrong and you should be ashamed. Stop painting every one with a broad brush. I don't sexually assault little boys. No one in the church I go to has either. My dad is the pastor he has not sexually abused any one. And I am not for the Death Penalty, there is another spot where your wrong. Should someone pay for the crimes they commit? Why yes! Should we take a life for a life? No. Is there provision in the Bible for defending your country? I believe so. Keep trying though."

I have bolded everything that is wrong with what you said. I feel that this graphic representation really attests to your lack of general intelligence. First, let's start with this part:

The only people that needed to be told were the authorities and this guys family.

I have a quick question for you ssssteve. You realize that this is the Vice-President of The United States of America we are talking about here, right? He is a pretty important person, you know? And you realize that he SHOT A MAN IN THE FACE AND HEART, right? Where I come from, that is pretty big news. He is obligated to tell the press, his superior, and the American people. That is why everyone was so mad that he waited 24 hours to tell anybody about the incident. The delay made it look like he was trying to cover it up.

Vice president Cheney did nothing wrong

Let me repeat something because I don't think it sunk in: DICK CHENEY SHOT SOMEBODY IN THE FACE AND HEART! What kind of Christian are you??? How do you get off saying Dick Cheney did nothing wrong when he, himself, says that he did something wrong? Are you really that dense?

Do you wanna know what it feels like to get shot in the face? Okay. Here's what you do. Heat up a wire hanger until it is bright orange. Now hold it to your face. You feel that burning sensation? Now imagine that all over your face and chest for several hours straight.

he is not screwing up this country!

In order to give this part what it deserves I would have to devote 2 to 3 pages to it, but I don't want to do that. Instead, I will offer you a few facts:

Cheney advocated a loophole in a piece of anti-torture legislation.

When Bush-Cheney were elected to office there was a $236.4 Billion surplus. In 2004, the trade deficit was over $600 billion. How do you blow almost a trillion dollars in only 5 years?

Cheney was the root of the cause in the CIA leak of Valerie Plume's Identity

Cheny played a big role in sending this nation to war on false pretenses.

The list goes on, but I do not wish for this to be too long. Next:

And the part you wrote on Christianity was wrong and you should be ashamed.

Let me ask you another question Ssssteve: Do you know what satire is? I have a feeling you don't. From what I can tell, you are most likely a man in his mid-30s who is in a failing marriage, but is so blind to the fact that they routinely watch Desparate Housewives alone while your wife goes out to the local bar to pick-up her next southern yokel to fulfill her nymphomanian desires. So I will enlighten you. Satire is a work that blends a critical attitude with humor and wit as well as with the intention of improving human institutions or humanity. While I admit that I am no Jonathan Swift, surely you can see the point of my piece on christianity and religion in general. I wrote it in order to let everybody know that every single Christian molests small boys. Not only that, but, also I felt like it was my duty to tell people that the real Pope is not named Benedict, but is actually Michael Jackson. The world has a right to know Ssssteve.

I don't sexually assault little boys.

If you don't sexually assault little boys, then you aren't a true Christian. Then again, I can only assume that the extra S's in your name are there because of your homosexual lisp. So, perhaps this statement was a lie and you really are a true Christian.

No one in the church I go to has either.

How do you know???

My dad is the pastor he has not sexually abused any one.

So, according to the hierarchy, your dad must just be a deacon then, right? Next time you see him ask him if he has acted on any of those impure thoughts about little Timmy yet, ok??

And I am not for the Death Penalty, there is another spot where your wrong.

When did I ever say you, in particular, were for the death penalty? One of the reasons why what I wrote is humorous is because it is a completely outrageous generalization. I know that not all Christians are for the death penalty. Some of those child-raping, nation-building, jew-killing bastards know that the death penalty is like letting a criminal off the hook. All of those Christians believe that the criminals should rot in jail for life.

Just so you know, I didn't only make generalizations about the Christian religion either. I made generalizations about the other ones too. For example, "If they [Hindus] see a cow then they kill it, rape it, and eat it raw." I know that some Hindus like their cows cooked medium-well, but if I said that, then it would lose its comedic value.

Should we take a life for a life? No.

Damn straight we should take a life for a life. And we should take a shot in the face for a shot in the face too! The correct thing for Cheney to do would be to tell his friend to shoot him in the face. That would show his dedication for the philosophy he has used in the war on terror. The terrorists killed Americans and we will kill terrorists! Cheney shoots someone in the face and he gets shot in the face! In fact, if Cheney does not get shot in the face, then the terrorists win!

Is there provision in the Bible for defending your country? I believe so. Keep trying though.

Who the hell cares if there is a provision in a story written 2000 years ago for defending your country. Since when should a fictional story govern America's foreign policy?? You are an idiot.

Ssssteve, what you wrote, although unintentionally entertaining, made you look like a mildly retarded jackolope. Feel free to send me some more hate mail though because I could always use some more material for my website. That goes for anyone else as well.

thosegoldfishes@gmail.com

Dick Cheney Shoots A Guy... All By Himself!!

2006-02-13T20:38:00.000-05:00

Okay... I read the other day that Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter over the weekend and I laughed. Dick actually shot someone for once instead of sending thousands of American citizens overseas to do it for him! Then I read that they waited 24 hours to tell anybody... and I said to myself, "Eh... What's new?" Then I read this. The White House is now saying that Cheney is not at fault for shooting the hunter and it is actually the hunter who got shot's fault. Let's see here... shifting the blame... where have I seen that before?

Iraq.

New Orleans.

The economy.

Carlos Mencia getting his own show on Comedy Central... well, I guess that really wasn't thier fault, but I still hate that fat idiot.

So what happened Cheney, did he jump in front of your gun??

Did he look like a quail?

Did he tell you to shoot him?

Were you jealous of everybody else getting to shoot them some terrorists up in the Middle East???

Hey you, Dick! I decided to put my MS Paint skills to good use and help you out a little for the next time you go hunting:

Seriously, though, how do you justify shooting a person instead of a bird. It's not that hard to tell the difference between the two. Oh, what's that you say? You got the bird? Oh well that makes it all okay! He got the bird, too!! What a relief! Now you have something to eat while you ruin America!

The Real Reason President Bush is Invading the Middle East

2006-02-06T16:38:00.000-05:00

We have all heard the myriad of different reasons for the invasion of the Middle East from both sides: WMD's, Terrorists, Toppling Oppressive Regimes, Spreading Democracy, Oil. I am here to tell you that each and every one of these reasons is incorrect. The real reason that President Bush is invading all these nations is actually a much more benevolent reason than these. President Bush intends to turn the entire Middle East into a giant likeness of himself as a reminder to the terrorists that we are always watching and to remind the citizens of the world that we are protecting them.

The Bush Administration does not yet want to release this information for obvious reasons. They need to get a better start on it so people can see their artistic vision. So far, we have Afghanistan and Iraq, but after operation Iranian Freedom is accomplished the White House will be able to get under way with the constructon of the likeness.

The construction is supposed to take at least 800 trillion gallons of paint, 50 billion tons of concrete, and 100 quadrillion florescent lights in order to make the replica viewable from space even at night. It is expected to need the manpower of 10 million soldiers to be completed over the course of 10 years. President Bush has said in writing to only his closest of colleagues, "I want you too know that never in the history of the world has there ever been anything like this of this magnitude attempted. This shows the true might and power of America. It will show our enemies that we know how to take full advantage of our might and power in order to smite them."

In the response to his letter, one of his colleagues said, "Mr. Bush, how are you going to make sure that this project is completed if you are going to be leaving office in about 1000 days?"

Bush simply replied in a short letter, "Oh, don't be too sure about that number! I have some tricks up my sleeve! Don't you go misunderestimating my power! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh!"

Bush not only hopes to strike terror into the hearts of the terrorists, but also hopes to raise his approval rating both home and abroad. This project will show his committment to the war on terror and to the nation. Also, by doing a project of this magnitude on foreign soil, there are no fears of the rest of the world being jealous. Bush also hopes to gain the support of environmentalists by putting a little bit of himself on this wonderful planet.

One group of people that definitely are 100% behind Bush in this action is the artistic community of the US. Let's face it: the quality of art in the world has been on a downhill slide since the Renaissance. This could give it the shot of adrenaline that it needs. Hell, it might even start a new trend in the art community! Who knows? Maybe in a few years Australia will be a giant bust of Arnold Schwarzenegger!

The Number 1

2006-01-01T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today's post is brought to you by the number 1. This is because (at the time of this writing) my site is the number one site to come up on Google if you search cow genitals. How cool is that? And that is out of 315,000 results! I don't know about you, but that simply amazes me. Speaking of cow genitals, that brings me to my next point: Torture.

Recently there has been a lot of talk about the usage of torture by the United States government and I was somewhat surprised by what I heard. In fact, you might say that I was shocked. In fact, you might say that, while sitting on my couch, I had a bowel movement of such great force, that my trousers were blown clear across the room and landed in a soupy, green heap. The atrocity that is being committed before our very eyes seems to be invisible to the American public. I intend to put a stop to it and to help people realize the abusive actions that are happening.

Firstly, though, I would like to mention that I am by no means one of those Ted Kennedys of the nation; one of those hardcore liberal flipfloppers. I cannot begin to express my contempt for those flipflopping, flapjacking peacemongers. For some reason, they seem to believe that the populace should be privy to what the government does and (I feel another case of explosive diarrhea coming on just mentioning it.) that the President should have to answer to somebody. The Ted Kennedys and John Kerrys of the nation believe that the other, more inferior, arms of the government can tell the President what to do! They believe that these other branches know what is best for our Commander-in-Chief more than he does! You will not find that holier-than-thou attitude over here in the Born Again Christian Republican camp. No Siree!

Now, with that out of the way, I would like to get back to the matter at hand: the atrocity that is being committed before our very eyes. This atrocity I am talking about is showing itself through the guise of torture, but there are many other forms it shows it self in too. These include the Abu Gharib scandal, going to war on false pretenses, and "Bushisms." I know most of you are saying, "What is this atrocity that you speak of? I mean, I can see the 'Bushisms' one, but I don't see how any of the others could be linked to an atrocity." I know at first this list seems to be made up of mostly non-atrocities, but please, read on. Right now, I know what you need more than you do and what you need is a little patience.

Now, in order to understand my point, you must look past each incident and to a unifying characteristic. This characteristic is the root of the actual atrocity. This characteristic is so huge that nobody can see it:

You; me; everybody knows all about these events!

What use to us is a secret torture prison is it is not a secret? How fun is a secret naked pyramid of POWs if we cannot enjoy it with some privacy?? How do we take any oil from Iraq with no one noticing if everyone knows that there were no WMDs or terrorists??? And lastly, how can we hide from the world the fact that we elected an inarticulate, former-cocaine-abusing mongoloid to the highest office in our land TWICE if we allow people to know of his inability to speak????

Now you see the immensity of the problem we have in our nation: We know too much information. This problem, at first, seems unfixable. How would one go about getting rid of information? This is tricky because information is so readily available in our society. We do not have the privilege of living in an oppressive oligarchical society. Oh, how nice it would be to live in such a place. For, then the government could operate efficiently and effectively. But, there is a way we could combat this atrocity.

Who gives out the information to the populace? The media. The media is endangering the American people and government by giving out information willy nilly. In America, we have a democracy. That's a government of the people, by the people, and for the people; and the media is impeding upon the efficiency of this government. Abraham Lincoln must be spinning in his grave! In order to protect the rights of the American people we must destroy the media.

Think about it. If the government is made up "of the people" and "the people" have a constitutional right to privacy due to the necessary and proper clause of the Constitution, then the government itself has a right to privacy. Thus, the media is in direct violation of the constitution. This is why we must get rid of the press. But, we can't stop there. Information can be transferred by other means than the media. We mustn't allow it to do so. People can talk to other people about the government and word of mouth can spread fast. So, of course, we must make it illegal for one to speak out against the government. I know you are all saying, "That sounds like a great idea on paper, but how on Earth can you enforce that???" I am a step ahead of you! I know we can't make it so nobody says anything about the government, but we can cut down on their ability to spread their word. It's simple. All we have to do is to declare it illegal to gather in groups of more than 3 without special permission from the President himself. This way, nobody can interfere with what our excellent executive does.

We can torture.

We can have naked pyramids of POWs.

We can have oil.

We can have a mongoloid for our President.

So, there you go. Hopefully soon, my message will be spread through the greatness that is the internet and we will be able to enjoy our rights once again. Remember, if the media survives, the terrorists win! And just to be sure that I am not dethroned...

cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals
cow genitals

Now I should be safe for a while!

A Cleansing of Society... Why, That Could Be Fun!!

2005-12-17T18:00:00.000-05:00

I just recently watched Hotel Rwanda and I have to say that I am mighty impressed. Those Hutus really know how to exterminate an unwanted group of ethnic cockroaches!! Seriously, they killed almost a million Tutsis in like 4 months. That is impressive.

This movie also got me thinking. The cure for all of America's problems is genocide. Look how well it worked out for Germany! They had an ethnic cleansing and now they are hosting World Cup 2006! So, lets quit wasting time and get this cleansing started. Gregory Stanton, of Genocide Watch, has graciously provided an 8-step plan for a Do-It-Yourself Genocide (and other forms of mass-murder).

Step 1: Classification

In this step we must decide who we are going to cleanse out of society. We need a group of people that are different from the rest of us. We can't use religion; that's been used too many times. We can't use ethnicity either because we've got too many of them. Political ideologies are out too; the major ones are too big and the others are too small. Hmmm.... How about fat people?? They are always eating all of our food and being annoying. Plus, the whole world makes fun of America for being so morbidly obese.

Gregory Stanton says that the main focus of this step is to divide the nation into "us and them," with "them" being the fat people. For this particular genocide, classification is relatively easy because of the visual difference. Everyone can see who the fat people are right away. This gives us an advantage compared to other genocides, like the Holocaust, where people could pretend not to be "them."

Stanton also warns us of detriments to be careful of. He says to be aware of "universalistic institutions that transcend... divisions." These institutions will wipe out that feeling of "us and them." So, make sure to annihilate any of these. Now we are ready for step 2.

Step 2: Symbolization

In this step symbols are forced upon the group of people and also hate speeches would be given. For example, in the Holocaust Jews were forced to wear yellow stars of David. For our cleansing, I believe that this would be a good symbol:

Step 3: Dehumanization

This is an important step because, as Stanton states, "Dehumanization overcomes the normal human revulsion against murder." If we make people feel like fat people aren't human, than killing a fat person isn't murder. A good way to do this is to nickname the group that you are cleansing out of society. In Hotel Rwanda the Tutsis were called cockroaches. This nickname worked wonders in their cleansing. It was catchy. It just rolled off your tongue. Tutsi Cockroaches. We need something similar for our cleansing. How about Lardass Pigs. It's not quite as catchy, but it will do.

Step 4: Organization

This is the biggest step: the leap from talking the talk to walking the walk. If we are going to cleanse the nation of these Lardass Pigs then we need to mobilize. We need an armed militia with an awesome name like the Bacon Eaters. It sounds good and it's also symbolic. We need to start training camps and infiltrate the highest ranks of the government.

We're halfway there. We have almost cleansed the fat outta this nation.

Step 5: Polarization

In this step we have to make sure we have everyone on our side. We have to further the dehumanization in step 3. We have to create a divide between those Lardass Pigs and the rest of the people. The best way to do this is through propaganda and hate speeches. Tell people that the reason the world hates the US is because the Lardass Pigs give us a bad name. Blame everything on the fatties. Gas prices, pollution, terrorists, death, Hurricane Katrina, Carrot Top, everything is the fault of those Lardass Pigs.

This step is best achieved through mass-communication efforts like television and radio shows, but word of mouth can work well too. Once we are this far it's almost impossible to stop us. Start the fire cause we're going have pork chops!

Step 6: Identification

We are organized now and we have the support of the government. Efficiency is the most important part of the game now. The Lardass Pigs are all wearing their Golden Arches, so they are easy to spot. Well, I guess they were easy to spot in the first place. Now, we have to move them all to central locations, "Weightloss Camps" if you will. We play it safe and make these camps seem like the real deal for a while and when they least expect it, we start.

Step 7: Extermination

Exterminate them quickly and quietly. There are several ways that range from gas and ovens, to drowning. You can even force them to kill themselves. Be creative! "My favorite form of extermination includes a bull, whipped cream, and a pair of tweezers!" says Gregory Stanton, "I don't think I have to explain to you what to do with those!!"

Step 8: Denial

I don't know what you are talking about. Those people died of obesity. Really, they did. No, those are not charred corpses. They are... uhh... left overs. Their leftovers from a barbecue; I guess I cooked too many well-done steaks. See I will even have a bite! MMMMMMM! Yummmy!

So, there you have it. The 8-Step plan to having your own genocide. If we hurry, then we might be able to host World Cup 2014!

Religion

2005-12-14T15:20:00.000-05:00

I have found that a lot of people are not very informed on religion. So, I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of most of the major religions in existence. If your religion isn't on this list, then it's not worth believing in.

Christianity

Christianity is the world's oldest religion. It was founded at the beginning of time around 5000 years ago after Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny defeated the dinosaurs in the most epic battle ever to take place on Earth. Every year the people celebrate the birthdays of these two messiahs by giving each other presents and chocolate bunnies. The main philosophy of the Christian religion is "an eye (or maybe even two eyes) for an eye" This would explain why they support the death penalty. Some other Christian practices include:

-Screwing your neighbor
-Promiscuous Gay Sex
-Building Nations
-and Making people cry on live television

Christianity has a strict hierarchical system for their divinity that is based on child molested.

Deacon:

Deacons are at the bottom of the pack. They have only had impure thoughts, but haven't acted upon them.

Priest:

Priests have reached third base, but they are still virgins. They haven't worked up the courage to call the pretty one into the rectory yet.

Bishop:

Do you lose your virginity even if it never went off?

Archbishop:

archbishops are not virgins, but they aren't very experienced. There are a lot of mishaps and a lot of "owe! Don't do that!"s when the archbishops do their job.

Cardinal:

Cardinals are the cream of the crop. They can have multiple relationships at once and not even mess up. They are experienced and confident.

The Pope:

Islam:

Islam began on February 25, 1964 when Muhammad Ali knocked out Sonny listen and gained the title of King of the World. It ended in 1982 when Ali was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 1982. In its 18 years, though, it was a very popular religion. Some practices of this religion include:

-Praying 5 times a day while facing the Holy City of Louisville, Kentucky: Ali's birthplace.
-Holding Hands
-and Crashing Planes into Buildings

An interesting fact about followers of Islam is that they communicate by shrieking. This shrieks, or ululations, are not only a secret language, but they also can brainwash non-muslims. Since the Islam religion ended in 1982 you don't have too much to worry about, but there are still many Muslims left in the world. I have heard many horror stories of people being brainwashed into liking Kelly Clarkson and Good Charlotte.

Judaism

Judaism started in the year 2004 shortly after the movie Passion of the Christ came out. The Jews are an angry group of people who killed Mel Gibson because they were jealous of his good looks. They pretty much copied the Christians, but there are two major differences:

The Jews are descendants of the people who were on the side of the dinosaurs during the most epic battle to take place on Earth. So, they don't celebrate the birthday of Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny.
The Jews would lose to the Christians in a Bible fight because the Jewish Bible sucks.

From the beginning of their religion, everyone has picked on the Jews because of their small Bible. They have been chased around the globe by an angry mob of Christians throwing bigger and better Bibles at them. They can't find a safe home. During the Biblecaust 6 million Jews died of Bible related injuries.

Buddhism

Buddhism is a religion that was founded by Siddhartha Gautama, or Buddha. One day Sid was at the local stripclub with his friends and they decided to have a contest to see who could eat the most food. So, long story short, Sid was the last person to vomit and thus we have Buddhism's catch phrase: "Be like Buddha; eat a lot of fooda!"

Buddhism has two main teachings:

-The Four Noble Truths
- and The Eightfold Path (It was going to be Tenfold, but Buddha got winded and had to sit down)

The Four Noble Truths are:

Life is full of hunger.
The cause of this hunger is ignorance.
There is an end of hunger, it is called Fullness.
The way to end hunger is to follow the Eightfold Path

The Eightfold Path is:

Understand your food.
Think about what food you want.
Speak to your food.
Act in a manner to obtain your food.
Eat food that will keep your livelihood up.
Put some effort into making good food.
Be mindful about what you eat.
Concentrate when the food you ate comes back out.

If you follow these teachings, then you can become full like Buddha. If you are having trouble staying on the path, there is a Taco Bell right next to Step #2.

Hinduism

Hindus are a peaceful people that live entirely off of the cow. They do this because according to their religion, cows are an evil animal that are slowly trying to take over humans. If they see a cow then they kill it, rape it, and eat it raw. That is the only way to make sure that it won't rise from the dead as a zombie cow. They save the cow's genitals, though, and those are used in the annual Cow Genital Fight. This is much like a food fight, except with cow genitals. However, if someone throws cow genitals at you and you catch them, then that person is your slave.

According to Hinduism, there are four objectives to life:

To pleasure thyself as much as possible
To get as much wealth as you can
To get revenge on anyone that has ever wronged you
and, To go to heaven and win the arm wrestling tournament that all the Gods participate in.

That's about all there is to Hinduism...

Scientology

Scientology is probably the most credible and believable religion ever made. It was definitely NOT made on a bet by L Ron Hubbard in 1952. It is definitely NOT a cult. It definitely is a NON-profit organization. They definitely did NOT blackmail the IRS into making it so they didn't have to pay taxes.

Scientologists have categorically proven that Psychology and Psychiatry KILL PEOPLE! ALL PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS ARE MURDERERS!!! The psychiatrists and psychologists are responsible for World War I, Hitler and Stalin's reign, lack of education of students in the US, wars in Bosnia and Kosovo, 9/11, world hunger, the Backstreet Boys, and the Apocalypse.

Please don't sue me.

Alcoholism

Alcoholism is probably the second oldest religion. After all the dinosaurs died there was an enormous party. There was a big split in the Christian religion between those who just wanted to keep partying and the pussies. The Alcoholists have monthly meetings where they brag about how drunk they got. Alcoholists have a few different practices including:

Puking
Blacking out
and, Drunken Sex

Alcoholism is actually compatible with the next religion.

Fatism

Fatism is a religion that is closely related to Buddhism, however Fatists do not follow the Eightfold Path. They take this religion to the max by eating whatever they can get their hands on. Fatism is actually the most abundant religion in the United States. They have several different sects including: McDonaldism, Burger Monarchism, Arbyism, and many more. This religion involves lots of couchsitting. They have one God who is pictured below:

Atheist

Atheists are just too afraid to believe in something. They suck.

It is my constitutional right to whore myself out to whoever wants me...

2005-12-12T16:56:00.000-05:00

Prostitution is generally not looked upon as a dignified profession. In fact, for all the love it makes, it is probably one of the most demonized professions in our nation. It's just ahead of the repo man and just behind Commander and Chief, but what is so bad about it? America is a nation founded in capitalism: selling your goods and services to the highest bidder. Whether it be selling my skills as a sensual masseuse or selling my skills as a sex connaisseur, it is constitutional right to be allowed whore myself out to any woman that wants me... except the fat ones.

One may ask: But, where in the constitution does it say, "Sean can whore himself out to any woman that wants him, except for fatties."? It doesn't. However, The Declaration of Independance did say that I have the right to pursuit of happiness as long as my happiness doesn't interfere with other people's pursuit of happiness. By selling myself to willing customers I am not only pursuing my happiness, I am also helping others be happy as well. Also included in the constitution, under the necessary and proper clause, is the right to privacy. What a paying customer and I do together is not the governments business. So, they can just leave us the fuck alone.

What people dislike about prostitution is that it is morally wrong. It's not right to change "making love" into "making money" because it detaches the emotional intimacy from rocking the casba. Well here's a neat fact: the government has no place in deciding matters of morality. Morality is a decision that is supposed to be made by the individual, not something that is forced upon the masses by the government. You can't say that the morality of the majority should be forced upon the masses either. Each individual has the right too and must develop his own moral values or else they will become mindless zombies controlled by society or the government. The government has no right to tell it's citizens that prostitution is morally wrong. The citizens must decide for themselves if something is morally wrong to them and then they must decide whether or not they will partake in it anyway.

Legalizing prostitution will also be good for America. According to The Highest Paying Customers: Americas Cities and The Cost of Prostitution Control by Julie Pearl, the average cost of the trial and arrest of a person convicted of prostitution is $2000. The average city spends $7.5 million on prostitution control and New York City spends $23 million. Not only will a lot of money be saved, but also states would be able to take a portion of the revenue that comes from the prostitution business by charging an excise tax on the services of a prostitute. We can use this money in a veriety of different ways including education, infrastrucure, and medical research.

By legalizing prostitution and putting it partially under the control of the government, other major problems people have with prostitution would be solved. One problem people have with prostitution is that it can infect decent neighborhoods with immorality, but if government-controlled brothel was set up discreetly in a non-residential area this problem would be solved. Violence and mistreatment against street prostitutes would be lessened too because the clients would be able to be identified if needed. If prostitutes had to be liscenced and checked for STDs along with clients being checked then the chance of spreading an STD would be zero.

Overall, it just makes more sense to legalize prostitution. Let an individual decide for himself if it is wrong or right. Many people feel that prostitution is their only way to make a decent living and it makes them feel good about themselves. Why should we not allow them to live happily? Why shouldn't we make their profession safer and more profitable for everybody? Why should we infringe upon my inalienable right to whore myself to any woman that wants me? Except the fat ones.

This is my waste of time and space.

2005-12-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

Well, this is my website. I will update everynow and then when I have an opinion that I would like to share or a story that I want to tell.