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Monday, February 06, 2006

The Real Reason President Bush is Invading the Middle East

We have all heard the myriad of different reasons for the invasion of the Middle East from both sides: WMD's, Terrorists, Toppling Oppressive Regimes, Spreading Democracy, Oil. I am here to tell you that each and every one of these reasons is incorrect. The real reason that President Bush is invading all these nations is actually a much more benevolent reason than these. President Bush intends to turn the entire Middle East into a giant likeness of himself as a reminder to the terrorists that we are always watching and to remind the citizens of the world that we are protecting them.

The Bush Administration does not yet want to release this information for obvious reasons. They need to get a better start on it so people can see their artistic vision. So far, we have Afghanistan and Iraq, but after operation Iranian Freedom is accomplished the White House will be able to get under way with the constructon of the likeness.

The construction is supposed to take at least 800 trillion gallons of paint, 50 billion tons of concrete, and 100 quadrillion florescent lights in order to make the replica viewable from space even at night. It is expected to need the manpower of 10 million soldiers to be completed over the course of 10 years. President Bush has said in writing to only his closest of colleagues, "I want you too know that never in the history of the world has there ever been anything like this of this magnitude attempted. This shows the true might and power of America. It will show our enemies that we know how to take full advantage of our might and power in order to smite them."

In the response to his letter, one of his colleagues said, "Mr. Bush, how are you going to make sure that this project is completed if you are going to be leaving office in about 1000 days?"

Bush simply replied in a short letter, "Oh, don't be too sure about that number! I have some tricks up my sleeve! Don't you go misunderestimating my power! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh!"

Bush not only hopes to strike terror into the hearts of the terrorists, but also hopes to raise his approval rating both home and abroad. This project will show his committment to the war on terror and to the nation. Also, by doing a project of this magnitude on foreign soil, there are no fears of the rest of the world being jealous. Bush also hopes to gain the support of environmentalists by putting a little bit of himself on this wonderful planet.

One group of people that definitely are 100% behind Bush in this action is the artistic community of the US. Let's face it: the quality of art in the world has been on a downhill slide since the Renaissance. This could give it the shot of adrenaline that it needs. Hell, it might even start a new trend in the art community! Who knows? Maybe in a few years Australia will be a giant bust of Arnold Schwarzenegger!


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