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Monday, February 26, 2007

Theology Notes

These are my notes I took in theology class the other day.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Life Ambitions

This is a scholarship essay I wrote that I am kind of proud of. I like it anyway. There are probably some typos because this is the unproofread version.

The transitory period of a person’s life that comes at the end of one’s High School career places that person in a very precarious position. It is at this point that one is expected to decide what they want to achieve with their life and how they want to achieve it. This is one of the most difficult decisions that a person must make. In order to make the decision, one must ask himself what he wants out of his life. Money, power, and prestige are what run society today, and so these are the obvious choices that are set out for everyone. However, what everybody neglects is the most important aspect of life one can achieve: Happiness.

Every person has one thing that they are meant to do: their personal destiny. Paulo Coelho called it a “personal legend” in The Alchemist, but it doesn’t matter what the second word is. It is your calling; it is what makes you happy. For most people it is always right in front of their eyes, but they don’t know it. To see your “personal legend,” you need to listen to your soul. Instead, though, most people listen to everything but their soul. From the time we are little we are told that the only path to success is to study hard, graduate high school, and go to college. This is not true and it has had a detrimental effect on today’s society.

This leads to two paths one can take in life. The first is the one that society dictates is best for you and the second is the path that leads in the achievement of your personal legend. The first path is easy to follow as well as safe, but it leads to an unfulfilled life. If one chooses this path, they will have ignored their true calling in life and this will be a constant weight on their soul. If one chooses the second path, they will be forced to take many risks and they will go through much suffering, but in the end they will be able to say that they are doing with their life what they love. This is the only way to achieve true happiness.

You can’t expect to lead a happy life if you do not decide to follow your personal legend. Paulo Coelho said in The Alchemist, “Everyone seems to have a dear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” This accurate interpretation of people’s thoughts shows that one must ignore the opinions that other people have for their life. One must ignore the predestined path that society has deemed appropriate for you. However, this is not to say that one cannot follow the path society lays out and still chase one’s destiny. One must determine if this path is truly beneficial to their realization of their personal destiny.

Today too many people are going to college for the sake of going to college. Too many people expect their life to just fall into place as they follow the predetermined path through high school and college. Too many people fail to realize that in order for your life to fall into place, you must make the conscious decision to put it into place. To do this, to get your life together, you must realize and follow your personal legend.

This is all fine, except in my case. The problem I have with blazing my own path to achieve my personal destiny is that I have no idea what my true calling is. It seems to me in this day and age that there are too many distractions in order to listen to your soul and in order to realize what truly makes you happy. The thing for me to do at this point would be to follow the predetermined path society has set for me, but to never lose sight of my desire to find my personal legend. Hopefully, while I follow this path and go to college, the opportunity to pursue my personal legend will appear. I have to always be ready for this opportunity. When the opportunity comes, it will be sudden and unexpected, and I cannot be afraid to drop everything in order to go after it.

“Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back-she will hear her heart” In this statement, Coelho establishes the fact that in following your personal destiny there will be risks and there will be suffering. It takes an awful lot of courage in order to face these risks and to battle through the suffering, but if one can summon the courage to face these then it’s all worth the trouble. And so when the time comes, I can only hope that I will have the courage to follow through and chase my destiny.

I do not want to follow the beaten path with my life. I want to stand out and be happy with what I do. I want to know my personal legend and when the time comes I want to able to achieve it. I will follow the path that society has laid out for me, but I will never lose sight of my goal. I will figure out what my calling is because as Paulo Coelho said in the Alchemist, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” I believe that too many people lose focus of what is truly important in their lives: happiness and I refuse to forget this. So, if one asked me what my life ambitions are, I guess my answer would be to be happy.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The First Date Song

I wrote a song:

I went out on a first date
the food, it was great.
I had some lobster and she
had those chicken nuggets on her plate.

Oh! The movie was so stellar.
It starred Sarah Michelle Gheller.
But, then on the walk home,
That's when I tell her:

This date it was awesome- It's true! I love you!
And I hope you love me- Please do!
Because I'm gonna rape you. - Don't sue! Rape you!

I'm gonna rape you! (Rape you, Rape you!)
I'm gonna rape you! (Rape you, Rape you!)
Rape you, Rape you! (Don't sue!)

I'm gonna rape you!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Blogs are Bad

So I was looking in the phone book for the number of a friend and you will never guess the name that I saw in there:

Irwin McQueer

I am not even joking. That was the guys name. Can you imagine going through life with that name? Seriously, who names their son Irwin? He must get all sorts of prank calls and stuff:

"Hey... um... this is the Zoo calling. We have a crocadile on the loose and um... we were wondering if you could come catch it! You know, being the crocodile hunter and all."

And I bet when he was a little kid in school people probably always called him "Irloser." That would be horrible. I feel bad for him. If I were him I would change my name to something less vulnerable to jokes like Gaylord or Enrique.

Enrique McQueer! It just rolls of the tongue!

So, anyway, now that that's out of the way:

Here's a list of reasons why I hate blogs:

1.) Anyone can say anything they want.

Have you seen some of the blogs out there? There are pretty much two kinds: the insanely boring and the overly offending. Here's an example of the first kind:

"OKAY. I know its been like forever since my last update and you guyz must be getting mad at me saying like 'what has she been doing? She hasn't updated her blog in 2 days! I hope she isn't dead or something like that!!!1!!!1' but its okay because I didn't die because well if I did i wouldn't be writing this right? so anyways I was at my grandmas this past weekend and that is like why i didn't update okay. I had a good time at my grandmas because she has a cat and i like to play with it and stuff and she likes to feed me lots of food. So i ate food and played with my cat. Then I sat on the couch and watched a 6 hour marathon of leguna beach. IT WAS A-MAZING!! kristin and lauren gott in a fight and then steph broke up with josh but they got back together aftre the fireworks but the n josh cheated on her with kristin and they broke up again. so after laguna beech i went to play with my cat again but i couldn't find her and i looked and looked but couldnt find her anywhere so i took out my flashlight and went outside looking arounf dor her in the dark 4 like 4ever. and then i still couldn't find her so i went to bad all crying and stuff. then in the morning i got out of bed and took a shower and got dressed and ate breakfast and brushed my teeth and brushed my hair and put my socks on and put my shoos on and got an umbrella and opened the door and went and looked 4 my cat in the rain and i still couldn't found her and i went home and put my umbrella away and took my shooes of and changed my socks and dried off and changed clothes and did some laundry and then i found my cat! She was in my bed all along!! LOLZERS!!!11one!1!! and that was my awesome weekend at my grandmas!"

If I have to explain to you why that kind of blog is bad, then you probably write in one every single day and you should be impaled on a rusty spike. The second kind of blog is so offensive that I don't even dare put an example on here for the fear of angering my would-be-assassin. I can tell you the subjects of some of these blogs, though. For example, I have seen blogs with the audacity to make fun of our great president, George W. Bush, and the rest of our honorable government. I have also seen blogs advocating genocide, promoting heresy, and supporting the legalization of prostitution! The nerve of some of these people! How they sleep at night, I will never know!

2.) The good blogs provide too much competition for the mainstream entertainment industry.

Reason number two is a very important one. For years now Hollywood has been able to throw together a quick movie with no real plot and horrible acting and then make millions of dollars selling the movie to a nation full of sheep. They tell the sheep that a movie with 2 gay cowboys is a great movie, even if it has a shitty storyline, and the sheep believe them.

But, now, blogs are ruining that! Now, some regular old joe can go write an amazingly entertaining story and instantly release it to the masses... FOR FREE! How is Hollywood supposed to compete with that?? Even if they stopped making horrible movies and books, they still couldn't sell them for nothing! If you were a sheep, would you want to go read a hilarious story about a teacher of special ed children or go pay $10 to see two gay cowboys kiss each other for two hours? That's what I thought.

3.) They provide for a way to separate one's self from the troubles in their life.

People often write in blogs to get away from the world around them. I once knew someone who had a sick grandmother who was going to die. She wrote in her blog and it made her feel better because it let her think about something else besides the horrible pain her grandmother was suffering. Writing in her blog helped her cope. Then her grandmother died. And she wrote in her blog and got her mind away from it. She continued to use her blog as a way to help her through life for a long time. Everything seemed good for a while. She lived a happy life and didn't have any worries.

65 years later and she is in an insane asylum. She got arthritus and couldn't type anymore. She didn't know how to deal with her problems and made like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. So before you start writing in a blog or even start reading a blog, ask yourself this question:

Do I want to go on a killing spree when I am 80 years old and end up spending the rest of my life surrounded by soft white padding?

4.) They are a useful means of exchanging information.

Don't even get me started on information. The information explosion in this nation is what is sending us down the toilet. It impedes our success in the war on terror; sorry, I mean The Long War. Information is the wepeon of the enemy.

5.) Blogs give people a false sense of importance to the world.

When someone writes in a blog it makes them think that people care what they say. Nobody cares about what you think about President Bush. Nobody cares that you went to your grandma's house and nobody cares about your god-damned cat.

If all these people that run blogs think that people care about their opinions, they might begin to think that they matter. But, they don't matter. They are all a bunch of McQueers, if you ask me and they should probably go eat some raw cow genitals. The world doesn't need them and would be a lot better off without them.

So what should you do? Obviously, you can't keep reading these worthless wastes of space. I hereby call for a boycott of all blogs. Just stop. Tell all your friends to stop reading and posting in blogs. Let's make our voices heard and stop letting people let their worthless voices be heard on blogs. This could become a revolution-- a revolution to stop blogs. But we must be organized. We must have a center of operations. We must have a place to monitor our progress. So, check back here regularly to see announcements and news on our progress in the revolution.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Oh, Canada... Why doth thou sucketh so?

What do you think of when you hear the name "Canada?" I will tell you what I think of when I hear "Canada:"

A freezing cesspool of nothingness.

Honestly. All Canada is is one giant uninhabited wasteland. Trust me; I know. I live about 15 minutes away from the border. I go up there every once in a while and it's all snow and polar bears as far as the eye can see. Nothing else. There is the occasional eskimo who lives in his igloo, but other than that there is no sign of human habitation anywhere. No roads. No buildings. No McDonalds. I don't think that there has ever been a country that has sucked as bad as Canada.

Do you know how I know Canada sucks? Because Britain just gave them their independance. There wasn't a fight or an argument or even a bloodless coup. Britain just gave them away because Canada had no use. The worst part is that Canada didn't become fully independant until 1982 and it took them over 120 years to get there. How sad is that? Canada is like the 35 year old man who still lives with his mother: "Mommy! Can you govern my people for me?? I want to sit on the couch and watch my soap operas!"

You know why Britain didn't want Canada? Because it is beyond cold there. If you think it gets cold where you live, then you are sorely mistaken. I live like 15 minutes from Canada and it gets pretty cold here, but once you cross the border, the temperature drops about 50 extra degrees. There is a simple reason for this phenomena: Canada thinks she is cool because she doesn't participate in the Global Warming trend. She's like, "Save the environment!" and, "Go Kyoto Protocol!" You know what Canada? You can't pull off that I-am-cool-because-I-don't-conform attitude. It just makes you look like a bunch of hippie freaks. You should probably go pump some carbon dioxide into the air and destroy some forests now if you want to salvage your image.

Also, did you ever notice that Canada and Communism both begin with the letter "C"? It's not any mere coincidence. What is this unified health care bull shit? That sounds pretty fishy to me. What's next? No currency? 5 year plans? I know that unified health care is a socialist aspect, but I still don't trust it because it goes against nature. Unified health care pretty much destroys the good old American concept of Social Darwinism that has worked magnificently for us. Except for you Indians and Blacks. And Women. And pretty much all non-white, non-males. So, yeah. Social Darwinism has worked wonders for the white American male. Oh wait, except for those of you in economically underprivileged areas, but I swear that's it. It's been a great 230 years for you rich, white, American males and I don't want those Communist Canadians to take that away!

Further more, Canada, the second largest nation in the world, is not pulling it's weight in the War on Terror. They only have like a thousand troops, maximum, fighting in this war. That's it! Canada owes us more than a thousand troops. We are like their big brother. We protect them from everyone. When a nation picks on Canada behind their back, we give that nation a metaphorical bitchslap. Canada should pass a law that requires everyone of it's citizens to serve 10 years in our military. Not only would that help us win the war on terror, but it would also make Canada a little less of nation full of pansies. Wait, no. On second thought, it would just help with the war effort.

There are really only two good things that have ever come from Canada. Ever. Those are hockey and music. Hockey doesn't count, though, because the Americans are better at it than the Canadians. Plus, I am pretty sure that Canada invented hockey by accident. I think some eskimo was using a stick to balance himself on an ice-patch and accidently hit a rock into his igloo. That's how hockey started. Music doesn't count either because since it's so cold up there, pretty much all there is to do is play music. In fact, there should be even more good music that comes from Canada since it is so cold. But once again Canada just can't keep up.

Lastly, I would like to point out that I am the only person ever to make fun of Canada without making an "Eh?" reference. Pretty cool, eh?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My First Hate Mail!!

Okay. So, This was actually a comment on my last entry, but I have all the comments emailed to me. So, I am counting this as hate mail and it has made my week! This masterpiece was sent to me by Ssssteve, who actually has his own blog here. So without any further ado, here is the first (and hopefully not the last) piece of mail from a dense, hypocritical, mongoloid who has no idea what he is talking about. As Walter Sobchak would say, "You are out of your fucking element, Ssssteve."

"He doesn't need to inform you that he shot someone. Did they wait 24 hrs to get him medical attention? Nope. The only people that needed to be told were the authorities and this guys family. And last I checked you were neither. And neither was I. Vice president Cheney did nothing wrong and he is not screwing up this country! He is the vice president Get over it! And the part you wrote on Christianity was wrong and you should be ashamed. Stop painting every one with a broad brush. I don't sexually assault little boys. No one in the church I go to has either. My dad is the pastor he has not sexually abused any one. And I am not for the Death Penalty, there is another spot where your wrong. Should someone pay for the crimes they commit? Why yes! Should we take a life for a life? No. Is there provision in the Bible for defending your country? I believe so. Keep trying though."

I have bolded everything that is wrong with what you said. I feel that this graphic representation really attests to your lack of general intelligence. First, let's start with this part:

The only people that needed to be told were the authorities and this guys family.

I have a quick question for you ssssteve. You realize that this is the Vice-President of The United States of America we are talking about here, right? He is a pretty important person, you know? And you realize that he SHOT A MAN IN THE FACE AND HEART, right? Where I come from, that is pretty big news. He is obligated to tell the press, his superior, and the American people. That is why everyone was so mad that he waited 24 hours to tell anybody about the incident. The delay made it look like he was trying to cover it up.

Vice president Cheney did nothing wrong

Let me repeat something because I don't think it sunk in: DICK CHENEY SHOT SOMEBODY IN THE FACE AND HEART! What kind of Christian are you??? How do you get off saying Dick Cheney did nothing wrong when he, himself, says that he did something wrong? Are you really that dense?

Do you wanna know what it feels like to get shot in the face? Okay. Here's what you do. Heat up a wire hanger until it is bright orange. Now hold it to your face. You feel that burning sensation? Now imagine that all over your face and chest for several hours straight.

he is not screwing up this country!

In order to give this part what it deserves I would have to devote 2 to 3 pages to it, but I don't want to do that. Instead, I will offer you a few facts:

Cheney advocated a loophole in a piece of anti-torture legislation.

When Bush-Cheney were elected to office there was a $236.4 Billion surplus. In 2004, the trade deficit was over $600 billion. How do you blow almost a trillion dollars in only 5 years?

Cheney was the root of the cause in the CIA leak of Valerie Plume's Identity

Cheny played a big role in sending this nation to war on false pretenses.

The list goes on, but I do not wish for this to be too long. Next:

And the part you wrote on Christianity was wrong and you should be ashamed.

Let me ask you another question Ssssteve: Do you know what satire is? I have a feeling you don't. From what I can tell, you are most likely a man in his mid-30s who is in a failing marriage, but is so blind to the fact that they routinely watch Desparate Housewives alone while your wife goes out to the local bar to pick-up her next southern yokel to fulfill her nymphomanian desires. So I will enlighten you. Satire is a work that blends a critical attitude with humor and wit as well as with the intention of improving human institutions or humanity. While I admit that I am no Jonathan Swift, surely you can see the point of my piece on christianity and religion in general. I wrote it in order to let everybody know that every single Christian molests small boys. Not only that, but, also I felt like it was my duty to tell people that the real Pope is not named Benedict, but is actually Michael Jackson. The world has a right to know Ssssteve.

I don't sexually assault little boys.

If you don't sexually assault little boys, then you aren't a true Christian. Then again, I can only assume that the extra S's in your name are there because of your homosexual lisp. So, perhaps this statement was a lie and you really are a true Christian.

No one in the church I go to has either.

How do you know???

My dad is the pastor he has not sexually abused any one.

So, according to the hierarchy, your dad must just be a deacon then, right? Next time you see him ask him if he has acted on any of those impure thoughts about little Timmy yet, ok??

And I am not for the Death Penalty, there is another spot where your wrong.

When did I ever say you, in particular, were for the death penalty? One of the reasons why what I wrote is humorous is because it is a completely outrageous generalization. I know that not all Christians are for the death penalty. Some of those child-raping, nation-building, jew-killing bastards know that the death penalty is like letting a criminal off the hook. All of those Christians believe that the criminals should rot in jail for life.

Just so you know, I didn't only make generalizations about the Christian religion either. I made generalizations about the other ones too. For example, "If they [Hindus] see a cow then they kill it, rape it, and eat it raw." I know that some Hindus like their cows cooked medium-well, but if I said that, then it would lose its comedic value.

Should we take a life for a life? No.

Damn straight we should take a life for a life. And we should take a shot in the face for a shot in the face too! The correct thing for Cheney to do would be to tell his friend to shoot him in the face. That would show his dedication for the philosophy he has used in the war on terror. The terrorists killed Americans and we will kill terrorists! Cheney shoots someone in the face and he gets shot in the face! In fact, if Cheney does not get shot in the face, then the terrorists win!

Is there provision in the Bible for defending your country? I believe so. Keep trying though.

Who the hell cares if there is a provision in a story written 2000 years ago for defending your country. Since when should a fictional story govern America's foreign policy?? You are an idiot.

Ssssteve, what you wrote, although unintentionally entertaining, made you look like a mildly retarded jackolope. Feel free to send me some more hate mail though because I could always use some more material for my website. That goes for anyone else as well.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Dick Cheney Shoots A Guy... All By Himself!!

Okay... I read the other day that Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter over the weekend and I laughed. Dick actually shot someone for once instead of sending thousands of American citizens overseas to do it for him! Then I read that they waited 24 hours to tell anybody... and I said to myself, "Eh... What's new?" Then I read this. The White House is now saying that Cheney is not at fault for shooting the hunter and it is actually the hunter who got shot's fault. Let's see here... shifting the blame... where have I seen that before?


New Orleans.

The economy.

Carlos Mencia getting his own show on Comedy Central... well, I guess that really wasn't thier fault, but I still hate that fat idiot.

So what happened Cheney, did he jump in front of your gun??

Did he look like a quail?

Did he tell you to shoot him?

Were you jealous of everybody else getting to shoot them some terrorists up in the Middle East???

Hey you, Dick! I decided to put my MS Paint skills to good use and help you out a little for the next time you go hunting:

Seriously, though, how do you justify shooting a person instead of a bird. It's not that hard to tell the difference between the two. Oh, what's that you say? You got the bird? Oh well that makes it all okay! He got the bird, too!! What a relief! Now you have something to eat while you ruin America!